Monday, January 16, 2006

The Lahore Pitch...

While I am in the middle of an analysis highlighting the virtues of Test cricket (over ODI’s), this (pitch) seems like a conspiracy against my blog.

Anyway, I am sure there is still hope that something can be done to put some life into the Lahore pitch like…

  • Placing a dummy in the middle of a Rugby stadium in UK and informing the Americans that Bin Laden has been spotted playing ball in Europe. And wait for them to land a few cluster bombs with pin point accuracy (one must add) at the Gadaffi Stadium in Lahore, causing just about enough damage for Kaneria to turn the ball. And to minimize collateral damage, just make sure only the curator of the ground is present near the pitch. …and Ganguly.
  • Getting experts like the Shiv Saniks who can alter the conditions of the pitch overnight.
  • Asking all right-handed Indian batsmen to bat left handed and vice versa, and hope they get out quickly. Except Ganguly. Why bother...
  • Selling the rights of the Lahore pitch for $10 million to Nike, so they can swoosh it with their logo. That might just do it.
  • Blow up a cylinder in the stands and wait for Afridi to do his little "twist & turn" routine. Again to minimize loss of life in the stands....
  • Allowing the Pakistani bowlers to bend their arms by 30 degrees so they can extract some life out of this pitch. On second thoughts, it wont make any difference to either Akhtar or Malik.
  • Allowing a special Super-sub rule for the last day of the Test, so that Pakistan can sub 10 of the Indian batsmen…with Ganguly. And make sure he bats left-handed...

Any more suggestions?

5 comments:

FtheAussies said...

HA! I say let's get the Shiv Sainiks on one end and Afridi pon the other and have a contest on who does a better job at pitch tampering - i would put my money on the Sainiks!
http://content-usa.cricinfo.com/pakvind/content/story/233296.html
and here's Sehwag's statement ...the man defintely talks like he bats !!

"Pakistan probably didn't want to prepare seaming tracks," he said, "and thought that their bowlers will get us out on flat, hard wickets. But we fought back well and are ready to play on any sort of track. It's not a good wicket for a Test match and if we have to play a drawn series, there is no use coming here. I don't think it will produce a result and tomorrow will be more like batting practice."

Saurabh Wahi said...

One shudders to think the kind of pitch the PCB will prepare for the Third Test if Pakistan somehow win the Second Test.

Thank Pawar for his forsight; we have to only deal with this crap once every four years now.

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